My parents always taught me to be nice. Which was well-intended. It is a great start in conversation, using some basic respect and kindness. It helped me ease into building relationships. Maybe you, and certainly a lot of other people learned to always be nice as well.
But there is a big problem with this.
Being nice and polite alone doesn’t cut it. Kindness is a great ‘how’, but not a goal in itself. The warm feelings, deep interactions, and great bonds you want to form are. There are a lot of moments kindness alone doesn’t get you that.
But I know, you learned to be friendly, and unthreatening - to not be disrespectful. But that should not get in the way of being overrun, taken advantage of, or creating deep connections.